inSOMnia in SEAttle

at least thats how my client was describing this movie she had seen recently. this was, of course, after we had started drinking with the elementary school teachers, but before we listened to freddy mercury solo album, on repeat for a couple hours on the van trip today. our client picked up said disc from a roadside bulgarian gas station. its really my fault tho, i had to pee, so we pulled over.

now, i have learned my lesson, and will simply ignore any future urges to urinate while traveling in a motor vehicle in BULGARIA for fear of the consequences, or perhaps when everyone is distracted by another donkey pulling a cart, i can pee real quick into a bottle. NO MORE FREDDY M. NO MORE.

but again, i am getting ahead of myself. first things first,

happy bday wishes to my statesside fixed gear fandango, teh chombs.

----

well, i have been shooting a ton of photos for myself. finally! case in point. the shiroka luka folk art music school. we photo-ed these school kids giving traditional bulgarian folk like performances. wicked wild yo. wicked. david kept squeeeking out -
"50"
"no 25"
"200mm, damnit man, the zoom, boy, the ZOOM, i need to be closer!"

all the while, to me, he simply sounded like like a little mouse, or perhaps, a dog whose tail i had just stepped on. i am totally engrossed in my own work, capturing my own pictures (even though, yes, techinically, i am working for him and he is paying for EVERYTHING). the click whirbuzz of traditional costumes and looking down through a camera twice my age is totally engrossing.

i have discovered that if i dont immediately hand him the lens he wants, he often changes his mind to a different lens or simply he forgets he even asked. i often employ this new found tactic to buy a few more frames of my own photography, for my own work. of course, like any great imperial nation, he has quickly developed his own fantastical counter tactics, which pretty much consist of walking in front of whatever it is that i am trying to photograph, and just standing there until i get back to work.

LIKE any good novellete though, the photoshoot at the shiroka luka folk art music school simply wasnt complete with the juxtaposition of traditional bulgie outfits and dualing nyc photographers. it needed something to just, well, put it over the fucking edge, you know? enter the teachers lounge. please.

david and i were led into the teachers lounge, for what we thought was a go at some portraiture of envious teachers who were just tired of these cute little shit kids ALWAYS getting the spotlight. boy, was i wrong. wrong wrong wrong. little cookie, take note. did i mention it was about, what 10 inthe am?

inside the teachers lounge, bottles of discarded vodka and cokes littered a childs table and simply screamed (at least to me) "welcome to bulgaria, welcome to the party, fellas" it was dimitri day! who new? the table, about, oh, a foot off the ground (did i mention it was a childs table, built for children?!) was surrounded by several bleary eyed bulgarian middle school teachers as well as some of the "older" students, all of whom were smoking marlboro reds. only the best.

dimitri day, as i was to learn, over several vodka coke toasts, *is that even a drink* is one of many national name day holidays, that is gov't sponsored here is the bulg. i mean, i just cant make this shit up! basically, if your name is dimitri, or you know/work/have slept with one of the d*i*m's then you have an official excuse to get drunk for what, 2-3 days straight and celebrate what it means to be dimitri. so, no matter what you do as a vocation. you still have to work, mind you, but now you now have a govt issued vaild stamped excuse for any sort of ineptitude you might display, or revisionist history you might teach in the workplace during this time.

my question is simple. people, when is amadeo day?

from there, after our driver had sobered up, some, we continued on our journey to circumnavigate the fucking globe. i mean, bulgaria. this meant, hopping in the van, pumping freddy merc. and putting the pedal to the medal and flashing the brights as we passed donkeys hauling carts like there was no tomorrow. the goal? the black sea. along the way however, we got sidetracked at some old bulgarian castle that we just had to photograph. it was at this point, i turned in a child, and this trip became some sort of messed up family vacation. after lugging camera gear through a field, visiting a church, we finally arrived at this massive mound of dirt with some rocks stuck in it with a plack at the top next to a bulgarian flag.

i threw a minor tantrum and refused to climb the hill/castle thing. our client however, feeling a surge of national pride sprinted up to the top. david thought about it and said, "well, i think i might need to take a landscape from up there." the vodka cokes had worn off and i needed to pee behind a bush. being the lackadasical assistant i had been up to this point, i decided that in the interest of obtaining, perhaps, a night off, i should carry this bloody bag of german/japanese mechanical torture devices up to the top of this here hill/castle. i followed david up the hill. after some near misses where david nearly tumbled his way back down, we were at the top! oh sweet mary what a view, as i sat with my head in my hands cursing and spitting on the ground.

david said "nope, no landscape up here let go see the black sea!" at which point i jumped to attention and handed him a camera (with lens, film and batteries! way to go amadeo, high 5!). he tried to give it back to me, which of course, just wasnt going to happen. i gave him a look that says "i just carried this bag up this hill/castle thing bc you might take a picture, so you best might take that picture." luckliy i had practied it in my bathroom mirror, no less than 10 times before i left on this trip, just in case. i knew i could pull it off. sure enough.

he flicked a couple frames, requested a different lens, flicked a couple more frames and then like a disfunctinal but happy bulgarian family we piled back into our minivan and headed out to the black sea.

--hope you are all well, and still reading this.

best, amadeo